Factors That Influence Sexual Shame

Factors That Influence Sexual Shame

Factors That Influence Sexual Shame

Religious Messages. The extant body of research indicates religious or theologically conservative individuals who view pornography and engage in non-marital lust and masturbation may experience profound guilt from violating moral codes and expectations (Grubbs, Exline, Pargament, Hook, & Carlisle, 2014; Grubbs & Hook, 2016; Thomas, Alper, & Gleason, 2017). When religious ideologies emphasize how sex acts should only occur within the institution of marriage, individuals’ abilities to explore their sexual identities, engage in sexual behaviors, or seek information about contraception, abortion, and safer sex practices may be limited. The marked incongruence between internalized religious values with one’s own experiences of sexual desire may contribute to feelings of guilt, shame, and internal conflict (Grubbs et al., 2014; Grubbs & Hook, 2016). Indeed, individuals from conservative religious backgrounds appear to be at higher risk for developing relational distress and experiencing sexual shame compared to their non-religious counterparts (Leonhardt, Willoughby, & Young-Petersen, 2017; Perry, 2015).

Religious messages endorsing a patriarchal worldview that undervalues the role of women while prioritizing the male contribution are embedded within Roman religious ideologies (i.e., Judaism and Christianity; Holland, 2012) and exist across diverse religious traditions. Religious and cultural messages about sex, sexuality, and sexual health may additionally carry undertones that convey moral judgment and gender-based assumptions which counter sex-positive approaches (Bay-Cheng, 2003; Manning, 2014; Rubinsky & Cooke-Jackson, 2016, 2017). Scholars have identified disparaging messages about the inferiority of women compared to men across Muslim (Huassain, 2017), Buddhist (Paudel & Dong, 2017), and Hindu (Franiuk & Shain, 2011) teachings. Religious messages additionally venerate the values of chastity, purity, and abstinence (Cooke-Jackson, Orbe, Johnson, & Kauffman, 2014) while advocating for the desexualization of women’s bodies (Huassain, 2017). These religious-based messages about sex and sexuality may additionally lead to feelings of sexual shame as evidenced by the fact that the majority of sacred texts promote abstinence (Cooke-Jackson et al., 2015), position sex as dirty and dangerous (Rubinsky & Cooke-Jackson, 2016, 2017), contain oppressive gender stereotypes (Heisler, 2014), perpetuate rape myths (Franiuk & Shain, 2011), and avoid directly addressing issues related to sexual health and intimacy (Holman & Kellas, 2018).

Rigid teachings about sexual identity also permeate religious messages. Strict adherence to heterosexual identities and monogamous partnerships exist in Muslim law (Huassain, 2017) and are notoriously grounded in the Bible (Moses, 2020). Clobber passages, traditionally marginalizing scriptures used out of context to condemn same sex activity (Miner, 2002; Moses, 2020), may create additional disparaging messages that promote the presence of sexual shame. Christian dogma conceptualizes same-sex behavior as diseased, perverse, sinful, and inferior (Barton, 2010). Consequently, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) individuals may experience conflict as they negotiate disparate religious and sexual identities. These challenges may be especially marked for religious LGBTQ people of color, particularly those who reside along the Bible Belt in the United States (see Litam et al., 2020)—a geographical region associated with religion and encompassing northern Texas to western North Carolina and stretching from Mississippi to Kentucky (Brunn, Webster, & Archer, 2011). Existing research has linked feelings of shame, guilt, inadequacy, trauma, and suicidality in LGBTQ persons who lack affirming religious messages (Hattie & Beagan, 2013; Sherry, Adelman, Whilde, & Quick, 2010). Lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals may also experience rejection from their religious communities and family members (Barrow & Kuvalanka, 2011; Dahl & Galliher, 2012; Hattie & Beagan, 2013), which increases the likelihood of developing mental health symptoms and rates of homelessness.

Social Messages. From an early age, children begin receiving messages about reproduction, their bodies, and sexual health. These internalized messages about sex, sexuality, and bodies may influence the development of sexual shame. Early messages girls receive about sexual health and reproduction have lasting impressions on identity development, conceptualization of sexual activity, and relationships with their bodies across the lifespan (Rubinsky & Cooke-Jackson, 2016, 2017). Children who are punished or ridiculed for engaging in sexually curious behaviors often experience feelings of guilt and shame (Southern & Cade, 2011). The taboo nature of topics related to sex and sexuality often perpetuates the internalization of sexual shame. Girls and women who have internalized the prohibited nature of sexual topics may be more likely to keep the details of their sexual abuse hidden (Carnes, 2002; Morrison & Ferris, 2002), which only serves to maintain and perpetuate feelings of sexual shame. Indeed, early messages from families of origin may lead to the stifling of natural sexual expression, exploration, and curiosity, and result in ongoing experiences of sexual shame.

Women uniquely face contradicting societal messages at the intersection of ageism and sexual desire. On one hand, media perpetuates endless messages that attribute women’s societal value to their sexual currency. Thus, women who are perceived as young, attractive, and within child-bearing years are given more power. The presence of sexual currency is juxtaposed against another societal message that vilifies women who demonstrate overt sexuality, on the other hand. Women may be marginalized through slut shaming, the double standard which stigmatizes the sexuality of women but praises the character of men who engage in the same types of overt sexuality (Ringrose & Harvey, 2015). Although women are negatively affected by childhood lessons and ongoing media messages, the harmful societal messages which contribute to the presence of sexual shame are not limited to gender.

Boys and men are subjected to societal messages that communicate conflicting notions about the nature of sex, intimacy, and sexual expression. For example, boys and men exposed to societal messages that center cisheteronormativity may endorse attitudes that value sexual performance and aggression, rather than demonstrating vulnerability, communicating feelings, or enhancing intimacy (Southern & Cade, 2011). Boys and men may additionally become subjected to shaming messages when they are perceived by others as embodying traits perceived as feminine, such as expressing emotions, endorsing fairness and equity, and engaging in help-seeking behaviors. Following experiences of male sexual victimization, endorsement of heteronormative scrips and toxic cultural messages about masculinity may perpetuate the presence of sexual shame in boys and men (Hlavka, 2016). The experiences of sexual shame in men appear to be distinct from women and may include specific aspects related to sexual inexperience distress, masturbation/pornography remorse, libido disdain, body dissatisfaction, dystonic sexualactualization, and sexual performance insecurity (Gordon, 2017). Counselors are therefore encouraged to adhere to a feminist, strength-based, and sex-affirming counseling approach that enables boys and men with sexual shame to reframe harmful patriarchal narratives surrounding masculinity.

Technology has ushered in a new wave of sexual social messaging and provides novel opportunities for facilitating sexual health education. Increasing numbers of children, teens, and adults are looking to the Internet and social media as an informal source of sexuality education (Mitchell, Ybarra, Korchmaros, & Kosciw, 2013). Several websites, mobile applications, and forms of game-based learning have emerged to improve the sexual health education of adolescents (Haruna et al., 2018), which may help to address essential knowledge gaps young people may experience in the absence of formal comprehensive sex education. For example, the gamification of sexual health education may be more motivating for adolescents compared to traditional teaching methods (Chu et al., 2015; Kashibuchi & Sakamoto, 2001), and can promote safer sexual behaviors through storytelling, role-plays, and avatars (Haruna et al., 2018). However, while there are benefits associated with the increased accessibility of sexuality information online, there are also increased opportunities for the spread of sexual misinformation. Individuals who access sexually explicit online content may be exposed to unrealistic and potentially harmful portrayals of sex, gender roles, objectification, sexual communication, and consent that may be internalized and contribute toward the development of sexual shame. While pornography and erotica may be useful tools in achieving sexual satisfaction and exploring erotic desire, there is a clear need for increased pornography literacy among viewers in light of growing evidence that the messages inherent in mainstream pornography can shape viewers’ attitudes and expectations about sex, intimacy, and relationships in problematic ways (Owens, Behun, Manning, & Reid, 2012). Porn literacy can be cultivated through curriculum and sex-positive conversations that empower viewers to interpret sexually explicit media while learning to identify and challenge their own pre-existing notions, beliefs, and values about sex, bodies, and intimacy.

Sexual Trauma. Extant literature has linked the development of sexual shame to experiences of sexual trauma. Women who have survived child sexual abuse (CSA) report higher levels of sexual shame and experience greater difficulty recovering from psychological and sexual dysfunctions (Feiring, Taska, & Chen, 2002; Feiring, Taska, & Lewis, 2002; Pulverman, Kilimnik, & Meston, 2018). Involvement with forced or coerced sexual acts deemed wrong and dirty by society may contribute to the internalization of feelings of sexual shame (Feiring, Taska, & Lewis, 2002). For survivors of sexual trauma, shame may be associated with feelings of powerlessness, inadequacy, self-condemnation, disgrace, humiliation/embarrassment, or feeling damaged (Weiss, 2010). In a study conducted by Vidal and Petrak (2007), 75% of female survivors of sexual assault reported feelings of shame following the traumatic event. Moreover, a study of adult women with histories of childhood sexual abuse (CSA; N = 120) indicated the role of sexual shame completely mediated the relationship between CSA and sexual function (Pulverman & Meston, 2020). Based on these findings, counselors must be knowledgeable about strategies to deconstruct sexual shame to promote wellbeing and improve sexual function in clients with CSA histories.

Lack of Sex Education. Several factors exist that may influence a disparity of sex education for children and teens. Many educators and teachers lack the awareness, knowledge, and skills needed to confidently address topics related to sex, sexuality, intimacy, and bodies. Sexual shame may be inadvertently communicated through messages from parents and educators who experience discomfort when addressing these topics. Indeed, the adults responsible for discussing topics related to sex and sexuality often report barriers in doing so. Feelings of discomfort, communication issues, and lack of knowledge on topics related to sex education result in avoidance of sex related discussions in parents and educators (Jerman & Constantine, 2010). As a result, young people are left unable to develop a deeper understanding about sex and intimacy. These topics remain taboo, and young people may internalize incorrect beliefs related to reproductive and sexual health as something shameful that should be kept a secret (Rubinsky & Cooke-Jackson, 2017).

When sex education does occur within educational settings, topics are often addressed in problematic ways. Although research has clearly illuminated how safer sex practices reduce occurrences of unplanned pregnancies and rates of sexually transmitted infections, sexual education programs most often disseminate abstinence-only education or abstinence until marriage education (Malone & Rodriguez, 2011; Santelli et al., 2017). It is also common for sex and health education in K-12 settings to be segregated by gender, which prevents teens from accessing information about other genders, and reinforces the mystification of sex and health issues of the opposite sex (Luker, 2006). This segregation may also contribute to harmful gender identity-related microaggressions and decreased access to knowledge for transgender, non-binary, and intersex students who may be inappropriately placed into single-sex classrooms. Additionally, the overt and covert messages that silence topics related to intimate health often minimize young girls’ need for intimacy and pleasure (Gunning, Cooke-Jackson, & Rubinsky, 2019).

Factors That Influence Sexual Shame

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